I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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