u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
