I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
