Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
