Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
