oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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