I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
