If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
