Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
