I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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