I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
