i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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