I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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