life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I need a beard to bite.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
