I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
