I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
