I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Farmville is her only friend.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
