Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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