he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
