check it out our google latitudes are spooning
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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