I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
we're so committed to being not committed
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
