too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
