Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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