Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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