New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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