Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
