She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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