She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
