im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
