OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
