Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
