Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
