im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
