My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
