I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
