I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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