bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
