Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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