I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
