New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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