no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
