Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
