if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
