at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
