sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
