Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
