I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
