and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
