I should be sponsored by Trojan
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
