never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
