they need to just BURY HIM!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
