Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I did not marry a roomba.
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