Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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